July 28, 2010

Journal Entry #8 A Regret

As a general rule I try not to have regrets; I believe that all our experience make up who we are, good or bad, mistake or success. Having said that as soon as I saw ‘regret’ on that little paper from my journal box I immediately thought of the summer that I was 17, (and no I am not going to blurt out some cliché story about how I stole a bottle of wine and lost my v-card to my bff’s boyfriend). I had just moved out on my own and was scarcely making ends meet juggling a job that paid minimum wage ($5.50 at the time), and part time school. My father asked me to go to Jasper for the summer and be his assistant. My duties would be to assist him on guiding, mostly European, tourists on various one week tours of the back country. I would help with campfire cooking, tent set up and take down fire building etc. etc. There would be rafting and canoeing, rock-climbing and hiking. At the time I was not very outdoorsy, and the thought of not having access to a shower for a week was more than I could bear; I turned him down. Now, after all these years I can’t help but wonder if that would have been the experience needed to bring us together, something upon which to build a foundation for the relationship we don’t have. Like I said, I don’t believe in regrets, but I can’t help but wonder…

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